Here is a very interesting post from our friend Lianna…

OK. So here’s the deal.

As a surprise gift for my husband’s birthday, I bought tickets to see a comedian. (Don’t worry, T is not reading…I don’t know if he ever does these days…)

And I thought I would check out the comedian’s Facebook fan page today and become a fan, because I think the guy is really funny.

Anyway, I join, read a few updates, and then his status reads:

“To quote my retarded friend; “Life is a box of chocolates.” Happy Valentine’s Day folks.”

Woah.

I just didn’t see that coming.

So I freak out and reply to that post (which probably wasn’t the smartest thing to do…):

“It’s too bad I bought tickets to your show. The tickets are a gift for my husband’s birthday. If I had known that the r-word is in your vocabulary, I wouldn’t have bothered. Our son has Down syndrome and I doubt he would like to be referred to as a “retarded friend”. Perhaps, I can get a refund…”

Of course, there is a flurry of comments basically bashing my opinion, and I get that. One comment has stayed with me though:

“I’m curious as to how people would feel if a certain word that begins with the letter ‘N’ was used instead… Not that I’m completely comparing the two, as they hold different reasons for being extremely offensive. One for a long history of unbelievable treatment and abuse, and the other for being used against people who don’t understand and are for the most part incapable of defending themselves verbally. That being said, my bro also has Down’s Syndrome but I still love the XXXX!!!”

So, do I refund the tickets? What happens when something like this happens again? How does one reconcile the idea of comedy and the use of the R-word?

I am really struggling with this. Do I boycott the world? And like another commenter happily pointed out, go back into my plastic bubble? I just don’t know. Am I being hypocritical by going to the show?

One commenter wondered if I would have felt this way prior to having Gabriel, and I wouldn’t have. Without having Gabriel, I just didn’t get how insidious the use of the R-word really is and that is the blaring truth of it all.

I think the comedian is funny. Can I feel the same way as the above commenter. Can I let it go, go to the show and have a good time? And more importantly, can I give the tickets as a gift to T fully knowing what just happened?

PS. I just deleted my comment from the Facebook fan page because it was creeping me out that people were bashing me and my profile pic was showing. So if you look for it, it won’t be there but it won’t matter because from the comments you’ll see the flurry it provoked unfortunately.

Valentine’s Day: Courage & Belief

Courage, I think, comes from the purest part of belief. If you believe in something enough, you know it is true. And if it is true for you, then you act in the best interest to protect it. There’s nothing else but that truth.

After giving my husband his birthday card and gift tickets to see the comedian this morning, I explained to him what happened yesterday.

In good conscience, I couldn’t go to the show, sit on the edge of my seat expecting the worse, and knowingly set him up for disappointment. Because ultimately that is what I would be doing. That is not a birthday gift I would give to anybody, let alone my husband.

T does not want to go to the show. He’s not interested in pretending that it’s alright to hear the R-word tossed around for laughs. T feels that going to see the show perpetrates the idea that it is okay to dehumanize a segment of society. If the comedian uses the R-word and we’re there, what do we do? Why put ourselves in that situation?

In my gut, I couldn’t be okay with making this compromise.

After talking with T this morning, we’ve decided to mail the tickets to the comedian along with our explanation. We will not seek a refund nor try to sell or give away the tickets. This probably won’t matter to the comedian, I’m sure, because business is business.

This is not about educating him either. And it certainly isn’t about whether the guy is aware of the word and it’s meaning for families like ours.

This is about taking a stand and staying true to it because of our belief. And it feels right to me. I feel so much relief today, you’ll never know!

There is always going to be someone to tell me to ignore the R-word; there is always going to be someone to tell me that it is my job to educate all people about the R-word; there is always going to be someone to tell me that no one is calling my son a retard, not really.

I look at my Gabe and I couldn’t imagine someone calling him a “retard”. I look at my niece, who doesn’t have special needs, and I can’t see it either.

I do recognize that being a mom to a boy with Down syndrome makes for a convenient opinion, but that doesn’t mean my hope for a future where it won’t be acceptable to call Gabe or a whole part of society a “retard” isn’t as worthy.

I believe this now, today, when I didn’t believe in it yesterday.

It’s okay for me to take a stand despite what I believed prior to having Gabriel. It’s okay for me to be overly sensitive about it, too. It’s how I’m built.

My heart is in the right place and that’s where it should be for my family.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Here are few more sweet faces -  Down Syndrome Slide Show

Down Syndrome $42 Down Syndrome

I asked you to respond to the phrase “Look What My Kid Can Do!” by sharing stories about your children’s unique triumphs and achievements. Reader Leah Spring told how her daughter with Down syndrome spoke out against the R-Word in a …